one

Happy Birthday precious Cora. We love you and miss you.

not fair.

I was at a friend's house this weekend and I was talking to her about the last few months. We were in the kitchen and her kids were sitting on the couch watching a movie...we didn't think they were paying any attention to us. I was getting a bit emotional (seems to happen a lot lately) and all the sudden one of her kids was sitting right next to me and said, "It's not fair." My friend smiled a little and then she said...ever so softly, "sometimes, life's not fair." I could elaborate on the rest of our conversation with her sweet little girl but I'll leave that one just between us. The point really is...life's not fair. We don't always get what we want and things don't always turn out the way we think they should. There's lots of pain. And lots of hurt. And many hardships. BUT...thankfully...we still serve a loving God who promises to walk beside us, comfort us, and give us HOPE.

Ryan's heart procedure didn't go as expected. In fact, it went quite the opposite. As mentioned before, the doctors were hoping to go in and balloon his heart valve delaying surgery for another year or two and possibly qualifying him for an experimental surgery that would allow the doctors to replace his valve without having to do open heart surgery. Unfortunately, they found that the right coronary artery in his heart is 99.9% blocked and they will have to do open heart surgery to replace his valve and perform a bypass. Not the news we were hoping for. This will be Ryan's 4th open heart surgery. It will be in April or May. Not fair.

A lot hasn't seemed fair lately.

And with that, I guess you better get to know Ryan and Kendra so that you can be praying for them in the months ahead. You'll certainly be hearing about them from me :)

I'm pretty sure this is how Ryan felt after hearing the news...


Here is Ryan, my sister, Kendra, and their little boy, Sawyer. Picture Perfect.


While you are praying for Ryan & Kendra...don't forget to keep praying for Jess & Joel and their families.


And now...something that makes me smile. Because sometimes...we just need to smile.

ryan

Please pray for Ryan, my brother-in-law, Thursday the 26th. He is going to have a procedure done on a valve in his heart. Ryan has had a history of valve problems and has had numerous procedures and surgeries. Please pray that the balloon will open up his valve so that he will not have to have a more in-depth surgery. Also pray that the Lord will guide the surgeons hands and that he will calm Ryan and Kendra and give them peace.


We love you Ryan!

carrying on

I thought I was doing ok.

I thought I was coming to grips with everything that has happened.

I thought I was getting back to "reality."

I was wrong.

I finally made some time to download all the pictures on my camera from the last few months...and as the images came up...

this is what I found...

This beautiful picture of Jess stroking Cora's hair while she slept in the PICU shortly after her first surgery.



And this one...
me getting to hold Cora while she rested after a long day.

And a few other pictures of Cora's last few weeks.


Then I lost it. I mean LOST IT.

I was sobbing...weeping. So much so that my husband came upstairs to see what was going on and if I was "alright."

I'm not alright.


How does one carry on after something like this? I am haunted by the grief that I have...knowing that it PALES in comparison to the grief that Jess & Joel and their families are feeling. Yes, Cora has affected hundreds of lives and the Lord's mercies are new every morning...but there is still a hole...a huge, gigantic hole in the hearts of everyone who loved Cora, especially her family.

I guess it is good to grieve... and good to cry...and good to carry on. Not move on...but carry on.

But where do you start?

I have been needing to update with pictures of Hunter for awhile now but I just haven't wanted to do it. In a way I have been feeling almost guilty...guilty that my baby is happy...healthy...and here. I know that may not make sense to some of you but it is how I have been feeling. I haven't had the heart to post pictures of our "life" because I know our dear friends are hurting deeply and grieving the loss of Cora and the "life" that they knew.

My heart aches.

And yet somehow...in all of this...I am trying to be thankful...and carry on. Thankful for the few but precious times I was able to see Cora. Thankful that Jess and Joel are relying on the Lord for their strength. Thankful that there are thousands of people praying for them and their families. And thankful for the time (however long or short it is) that I have with my wonderful husband, precious son, and loved family and friends.

I need to be there...for all of them.

After all, isn't that one of the most valuable things Cora taught us? Our time is precious. And short. And we have to make the most of it. Because we never know what tomorrow will bring.

I don't want to miss the blessings that are right in front of me...today.

I guess this is where I start.







Jess & Joel - while it probably feels like we are all moving on, please know that your sweet Cora will never be forgotten. We will always remember her and thank God for how she has touched each one of us. We will do our best to carry on so that we can be there for you and follow your example of faith, hope, and LOVE.

"Because of the Lord's GREAT LOVE we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS. "
Lamentations 3:22-23

"For God so LOVED the world that the gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
John 3:16

"For great is your LOVE, reaching to the heavens; your FAITHFULLNESS reaches to the skies."
Psalm 57:10

"Blessed are those that mourn, for they will be COMFORTED."
Matthew 5:4

Apparently there are many bloggers who have decided to CREATE and sell their items on etsy.com and put the proceeds towards the Cora Playground fund. Just visit etsy.com and search "Cora Paige." I'm sure there is much more to come! YEAH!

Don't forget...you can also donate directly to the Cora Playground fund by clicking HERE.

help build Cora's playground

Go HERE to order.

I just learned that a blogger friend is making messy flower pins and headbands, selling them on Etsy, and giving 100% of the profits to Cora's Playground. They are beautiful and I ordered a bunch...you should to :) It amazes me to see everyone coming together and contributing their gifts and talents to try to support Joel & Jess and honor the memory of Cora.

While I am grieving the loss of precious Cora I am also so thankful that in her brief life she has touched thousands of people. I pray that through this loss we will have gained another brother or sister in Christ and that someday we can all celebrate together. We may never know (on this side of heaven) how many people have been changed by Cora, Jess & Joel... but I do know that I will never be the same. I pray that I will be a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend and that the Lord will use me and Cora's story to bring Jesus to those who may not know him yet. I am forever grateful that the Lord entrusted Cora to the loving care of Jess & Joel and gave them the privilege of raising her, though the time was much too short. He could not have choosen a more perfect mommy and daddy for her and they have accomplished a job well done. Continue to love them and pray for them (and their extended family) as they take life day by day and treasure the memories of their sweet baby girl. We all love you and miss you, Cora. May Jesus hold you close until we see you again.


Remembering you with love...

Resting in the arms of Jesus

A celebration of Cora's life will be held at 1:00 PM on Tuesday, February 10,
at Grace Community Church, 1600 S. Anderson Rd. Newton, Kansas.
Burial will follow at the Pleasant View Cemetery in rural Elbing.
In lieu of sending flowers, a memorial has been established to construct
the Cora Playground, an extension of the children's ministries
department at Grace Community Church.

www.themcclenahans.blogspot.com